Acceptance or denial?

As I looked at myself in the mirror today, I thought of a blog post I had recently read about how what we see in the mirror can sometimes be a filmy version of the truth.  Blog post here: (http://www.beautifulbodybistro.com/).


When I look in the mirror all I see are "thunder thighs". Over the past few years, I've learned to appreciate my legs because they allow me to do the things that I LOVE to do - and accepted that if they need to be "big" to do that, so be it. It didn't ever dawn on me that my thighs probably aren't that big and what I see in the mirror isn't the truth. There in lies the question, had I accepted my body for what it was or am I in denial that what I see isn't the truth. For the past week or so, I have tried really hard to see myself clearly.

From what I can tell, my legs and the rest of my body are far from "thunderous"...to say the least! The truth is that I rarely look at any part of myself clearly...my legs were just the most obvious. Since I've acknowledged this truth, I feel that I've faced and conquered a huge fear of mine - if I looked at myself truthfully, would I like what I saw? If I didn't like what I saw, how would I expect anyone else to like it either? Facing myself fully and accepting myself clearly will allow me to accept the acceptance of others.

Thank you to everyone who has accepted what I have been so afraid to face. I couldn't have done this without you!

Here we go!

This year, I entered it knowing full well that I was committed to my dreams, no matter what. And so far, one week in, I'm loving it! Today was my 5th swim of the new year, and I actually swam one lane above my comfort zone. This is a great start and a really BIG deal. I feel like I had been a little too settled into my safety zone, and it's about time to let myself go. Not only did I swim much faster than I normally do, but it felt easier. My spirits were sky high and even though I couldn't breathe, I didnt feel the normal state of panic that usually overwhelms me. I stayed calm and swam my little heart out. A few days ago I realized my mentality had done a total 180. I used to get frustrated and think I'm never going to get faster and continue with more negative self talk until no matter what happened I left the pool feeling defeated. The other day I saw the send-offs on the board and said I want to swim on the fastest one, and actually thought "I will"! Yes, I will! It might not be today or tomorrow, but I will. This is the year of "yes"!

Year in review 2011

There are a lot of things that happened in 2011, at least in my world. Here are a few of the defining moments:
Ran with the elite women at Bloomsday.
Upgraded my cycling category by winning Frozen Flatlands road race and the Tour of Walla Walla. Completed my first 1/2 ironwoman...with the bonus of an extra long bike leg.
Installed 3 shade sails in the backyard.
Raced in China...where I had my first flat tire in a race.
Walked a section of The Great Wall.
Ran into one of my dearest high school friends in the Forbidden City.
Learned so much about how wonderful it is to be American!
Spent a week training with 9 amazing women and Cliff English in Arizona, all in honor of Sally Meyerhof.
Won my first cyclocross race (and second) and was forced to upgrade to race with the crazy fast and talented elite women (and men).
My brother Heith and his wife Doricela welcomed baby Noah Glen Eric Barkley to the family.
I also welcomed an I-Pad to my family this Christmas :)
Oh, and I welcomed my new cross bike the family as well!
More than doubled my yards in the pool!  I look forward to this paying off?
Countless cherished memories with family and friends!


All in all, 2011 was a wonderful year!

2012 - THE YEAR OF "YES"

As I think about the possibilities that lie ahead in 2012, I can't help but get excited!  I've made the commitment to myself to be my dreams.  Last year I struggled to keep my feet under me, let alone make forward progress.  It gave me the perfect opportunity to give up on my dreams, knowing full well this coming year could prove to be even more challenging.  I looked in the mirror yesterday, directly into my own eyes, and said "BRING IT"!!  I'm not ready to give up on my dreams and certainly not ready to give up on myself.  Last year brought to life one of my favorite quotes: 

"All your life you are told the things you cannot do.  All your life they will say you are not good enough, strong enough or talented enough.  They'll say you're the wrong height or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this.  They will tell you NO, a thousand times NO.  Until all the NOs become meaningless.  All your life they will tell you NO, quite firmly and very quickly.  They will tell you NO and you will tell them YES!"  

There have been far too many times that I've held myself back - afraid of failure, afraid of success, afraid of being too shiny.  And it's exhausting!  I'm tired of telling myself NO, I don't have the energy for it anymore.  

This year, don't be your own enemy, tell yourself YES! 

 

The training part of CAMP!

You may be interested in the events that occurred over the 5 days spent in Tucson training with some of the best triathletes and coaches around.  If not, you should probably stop reading here.

My journey started Monday night after work, December 5th.  After a quick stop by the house to grab socks (oops), my travel started with a 3 1/2 hour road trip to my Dad's house.  While I was away, my Dad, Brother and niece Josie replaced the brakes on my car - love them!!!  I arrived around 8pm, grabbed a quick bite and tried to sleep.  Since I was so amped up, that wasn't much of a success.  My brother was nice enough to forgo his usual sleep and get me to the airport.  I'm glad he was there, or I might have had a complete melt down when they told me how much it was going to cost to ship my bike to AZ.  Congratulations, family, for Christmas you get a very fit Sarah...I can’t afford anything else :(  He could tell I was nervous and reminded me that the last time I went off to meet a bunch of people I didn't know, was college.  Since I loved college so much, my spirits were lifted...and with head high and shoulders back, I was on my way!

I arrived in Tucson to find a driver waiting for me.  He wasn't exactly prepared to load a bike into his Lincoln TownCar, luckily it was not my first time.  Bike in the back seat and me and driver up front - perfect.  As we talked about all the things we were grateful for, like our American freedom, the Arizona landscape surrounded us and I was consumed.

The lodge we stayed at was perfect!  It had huge rooms which looked out onto the mountains behind and the lap pool was just a few short strides down the parking lot.  

Wednesday morning came fast, and I was incredibly anxious about our swim workout, but it surprisingly went by very quickly.  Before I knew it, I was tired and done with probably the longest swim set I've ever done.  Whew!  Now only a 25 mile climb ahead of us, NBD.  I know it's not normal, but I really like climbing.  Probably the for same reason I fell in love with hiking as a child, the view!  Mt. Lemmon did not disappoint!  Not only was the AZ landscape amazing, but the cookie at the top was a sweet reward!!  After devouring the gigantic Pumpkin Nut cookie, I soon regretted it...I can handle caffeine, not so much sugar.  The rest of the ride was relaxed, but we still had a ways to go before it was over.  It took us somewhere around 5-5.5 hours, which is more than my total weekly biking hours have been for months...probably going to feel that one!

Thursday was another great swim, I had been hoping for a recovery swim, but I guess we didn't go to training camp to recover!  It was another good set that went by relatively quickly.  Up until this point, I have never swam so many yards in 2 days...over 8k!  I felt like a rockstar!!  Concerned about how my body was going to hold up, I started pounding the H2O...downside = potty breaks.  We had a nice break before heading out to run some trails in Sabino Canyon.  Again, the terrain did not disappoint.  The new scenery and incredible running partners made the time fly by!  The only thing making me glad to stop running was rolling my ankle on one of the rocks and it was killing me...ugh!  I should apologize to my roomies for complaining about it - sorry for being such a wuss!!!

Just a short (90 minute) recovery ride up the same 4 mile canyon we ran earlier in the day...seems like exactly what I would do.  I say that sarcastically, but I could totally see the conversation with myself saying I would just go easy and hills are good to open things up, which would normally end in another conversation about what I was thinking and why do I always have to be so ambitious.  This time, I got to do the ride and blame someone else, so much better!

After our 3 workouts, we had an awesome dinner planned at El Charro in Tucson.  It was our 2nd night at the restaurant, but I was really looking forward to it.  I love big dinners (lots of people), and even though I'm not usually a fan of mexican, I really liked this place.  For probably the first time in my life, I turned down margaritas...my mom would be proud!  Admittedly, I did take some sips from neighbor Melissa :)  We were all exhausted and stuffed, but that didn't stop our excitement to head out for amazing gelato at Frost :)  I opted for a combo of Dark Chocolate (antioxidants) and Banana (potassium)...yum (and health?)!  Truly, that is the best gelato I have ever had!!!  

Friday, day 3 of swimming.  As I walked to the pool, I told myself if I can do 2 days, I can certainly do 3!  Not surprisingly, before I knew it the set was over :(  we did some fun drafting drills, which really helped with my feel of the water.  Next up, another ride and a short road trip to Tempe.

Friday's ride was a nice, even pace with relatively even terrain, which lasted a little over 2 hours.  By the middle of the ride I started to have some serious pain in my knee, and it was all I could do to make it back to the lodge for some ice.  Thank goodness that's exactly what it needed, I was starting to worry I wouldn't be able to run Saturday morning, whew!  Just about as soon as we arrived in Tempe, we were ready for bed and the morning came just as quickly as all the other mornings had.  We headed out for our 4 mile warm-up, just as the sun was coming up, so nice!!  It was a little brisk in Tempe, but sunny and serene!  We were a little early on our warm-up, so it was a bit of a struggle to stay warm before the run started.

The run was in honor of Sally Meyerhoff and in support of the Sally Meyerhoff foundation.  run4sal.com

I remember when the news of Sally's death first hit me.  I had never actually met her, but reading her story hit all too close to home.  Life is a gift and I have always believed that one way we show we are grateful for all we have is by doing what makes us happy and fulfilling our passion.  It seems that is how Sally lived and I was so humbled to be a part of the event.  

The event in itself was a massive success and drew some of the fastest runners around.  I settled into a good rhythm and focused on my form, not too concerned about pacing since I wasn't exactly sure how my body was holding up.  As I saw the finish line near, I did not want the race to be over...it all happened so fast!!  Once we all gathered and cooled down, it was back to Tucson for a celebratory dinner!  Needless to say, the place was spot on!  Local fare at it's finest...and the best company a girl could ask for!!  

Of course we couldn't leave with out one more workout!  Sunday morning we gathered for a quick circuit training with Trainer Trish :)  And, to tell you the truth, I think I was most sore from that 30 minute w/o than anything!

Thank you all for an unforgettable week!!!  Training partners Kelly, Gwen, Trish, Kim, Amie, Melissa, Jennifer, Laura and Meghan, Coach Cliff English and the one and only Jim Whitler.

Training Camp,Tucson AZ

As I'm sitting here trying to decide how to cram in all I did this past week into one blog post, I realized it's probably more important to talk about what I set out to accomplish.  Last Tuesday, I started my journey down to Tucson for a training camp with 8 girls I had never met and Cliff English, one of the most accomplished triathlon coaches on the planet!  We were all brought together due to the generous sponsorship of Jim Whitler, a triathlete, triathlon groupie, great friend and the most humble man I've met.

In preparing for the trip, I came up with a lot of less significant training goals, and one huge personal goal of being my true self.  To not be afraid of what people think of me and to not be afraid to fail at workouts, no matter what, I was going to be ME thru it all and see what happens.

Turns out, I can't remember having so much fun!  There are a few downsides, of course, like the painful reminder that when I try to be funny, it hardly ever comes out right...which can be kind of awkward.  So, I'm awkward, big deal.  

As I listened to the other girls and what their journey has been like and where their path is headed, I couldn't help but reflect on all the lesson I thought I had fully learned about living an authentic life, that's authentically me.  It took stepping back for a few days to realize that I've been living with my head in the sand!  What I didn't know I needed was perspective.  I have not been living life on my terms, and I am holding myself wholly accountable.

So far my terms are as follows:

Never give up on your dreams, achieve them.

Surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you.

Don't be afraid of what you are capable of.

Push yourself to see if you will actually fail.

Never stop growing.

Train with people faster than you.

Should I fail, I will be there to pick myself back up.  I will be my own best friend.

Be present.

Be an example.

Believe.

Those are pretty big terms, I'm ok with it.

Here's to being more of me and to you being more of YOU!

POST Cross

As it turns out, Bend proved to be a successful cross-racing weekend!
Cyclocross is as much about the course conditions and weather as it is about fitness and technical racing skills.  Somehow, by earning it, I ended up with a great starting position in the front row and I knew that this was what could be a rare opportunity that I better not mess up!  So, I pushed it hard on the opening straight away and ended up second around the first corner.  Knowing the girl in front of me was going to take the line I wanted, I played it safe and tucked behind her.  Once I had a clear shot, I took it and never looked back!  Once I was in front, I certainly had my work cut out for me!  As someone told me later, winning a cross race is NOT a magic carpet ride and I could not agree more!  Being the me that I am, there was no way I was going to let someone pass me, after all, I had worked pretty darn hard to get where I was.  Lucky for me, I also had Ryan cheering for me and reminding me that I needed to keep pushing...woof!
One of the challenges of racing is that when you are getting really tired, moving obstacles are thrown at you...the slower riders.  Instead of having a straight shot up the hill, it became congested with teetering riders and slower moving hikers.  Don't get me wrong, there are benefits to this as well, especially since I spend my "off-season" racing triathlons.  My best results are cross races with a lot of running, go figure!
By the last couple of laps, I found myself in a fun rhythm, going back and forth with a couple of the Masters A racers.  I say fun rhythm, because that's what I kept telling myself, trying to keep my mind off the fact that both of my quads were a solidified mass of cramping muscle.  The other racers gave me the motivation I needed to keep pushing and not lose my place.  Yay!  Cross win #2.
It's all fun and games, until you are forced to upgrade to Cat A.  These girls are seriously tough!
Since there were only 2 races left in the season, I decided to take it easy on myself and just feel out the field, afterall, I wasn't even sure I could race for 60 minutes!  Yes, not only are they tough and scary, the race is also 15 minutes longer :(
The first race I felt absolutely terrible.  It was my favorite course last year, but I could not get into it.  Maybe it's just a racing hangover from Bend?  Of course, I was disappointed when I crossed the finish line because i knew i hadn't given it my all, but I was please to have finished 13th among the top female cross racers in the nation.  For the last race of the season, we actually got some rain!  Just enough wetness to keep things interesting.  It's funny that most of the race I was absolutely miserable, but as the end drew near, I was sad that it was all ending!
All in all, it was a fun season, I enjoyed all the ups and downs and look forward to next cross season.
For now a little relaxation away from racing so I can prepare my A game for next year!