Mind Over Mountain

Some of you may have heard, nearly 3 weeks ago, I raced in Vegas (Henderson) at the Ironman 70.3 World Championships.  The race itself was great, but more remarkable than the way I raced physically was my mental and emotional preparation and race day execution.
As you may have guessed, yes, that is the segue into my non-traditional race report.
I'm assuming most of you really aren't terribly interested in a play-by-play of race day... my splits can be found at ironman.com.
Where was I...to set the stage for this story, lets rewind to 1 year ago at this race.
Basically I spent the few days before the race in 2012 incredibly anxious and uncertain of what I was doing there and how to quantify my expectations.  Not unlike big races I had done in the past, I was secretly hoping I could find a way to temper my expectations by sabotaging my efforts.  Usually that meant at some point, giving up on my efforts, accepting doubt as truth.  In fortuitous fashion a mechanical error (on my part) thwarted my best effort at a podium spot by setting both my bike and run splits 20 minutes off my goal (40 minutes total).  Post race, I spent the next month or so sulking around, and doing some, for lack of better description, honest soul searching.  I needed to figure out if I still had the passion to keep racing triathlon.  Beyond having that passion, did I possess the strength necessary to forge past the doubt and fear that had put the smack down on my progress and potential as a competitive triathlete.  After what felt like an eternity w/n my own head (about a week), there was.no question where my passion was and not only that, where my mind and heart needed to be in order to make my pursuit a reality.
Fast forward a few months and I had not only made a complete shift mentally, but I had also quit my "corporate job", started a new career centered more around fitness and triathlon and moved to a much more supportive community in Wenatchee.  If you have never done something like this, I highly recommend it.  It will push you in ways you didn't think were possible and you will learn more about your inner strength and perseverance than you ever realized was there.  Over the past 9 months, I have been through many ups and downs...so high I never thought I would come down and so low I was ready to throw in the towel...and every where between.  EVERY SINGLE DAY I recommitted to my goals and vision, which didn't make it easier as much as a reminder of where I started and how far I had indeed come.
This quote saw me through a lot:
"A ship is safe in the harbor, but that's not what ships are for".
My intent with this life is to do exactly that.  Live in every moment, pursuing what brings me joy and surrounding myself with people that make my heart smile.
For me, it has not always been easy to forge through fear and doubt in order to live true to my intent.  I have always been a master of training, physically pushing myself beyond what I thought was within my realm of capability.  But, I broke a LOT more than anyone realizes.

One of my great sources of inspiration has been from my fellow Wattie Ink teammates.  Stories of triumph, over fears, injuries, obstacles, etc.  These stories are awesome reminders of the fragility of life, vulnerability and validity that I am not alone on this journey.  Not only that, but my family, friends and Wenatchee community have been beyond supportive and up-lifting. My gratitude is beyond words!

Once racing started this season, it was clear to me how much impact these life changes had on my thought life.  Racing was no longer daunting, it was joyful.  Don't get me wrong, I've always loved racing, but it caused me copious amounts and anxiety, both leading up to and during an event.
It's no secret, that it has taken WORK to get to this point.  Daily reminders and mental skills exercises, cutting out what causes anxiety and spending my time solely with people and activities that would build me up.  I knew what I had to do, deep down I was a skeptical that I could change and that IF I did change, would it bring the results I hoped for.

Back to the present.  Though I had a few minor issues, my racing this season was an incredible success.  I trusted in my preparation and my ability to perform, and I used an ever so simple, yet effective mantra, "I believe I can".  EVERY time I started to doubt, have anxiety or feel my HR creep up a little too high, I repeated "I believe I can" over and over and over.  Without thinking about it, my HR would ease, shoulders relaxed and my head would pick up...yes, it REALLY does work!
Finally, here we are at IM 70.3 World Championships.  This was the true test of how far I had come.  I refused to let myself slip into my former mental state pre-race, by spending a little time relaxing and a lot of time hanging out with family and Watties to keep my mind occupied, as far away from over analyzing as possible.  Come race morning I had actually arrived relatively calm, despite the fact it was pouring down rain.  I did my due diligence, making sure everything was in place, nutrition dialed and bike was in working order.  There was one small hiccup in nutrition, but I just rolled with it, figuring panic would do me more harm than good.
Because racing with a clear and confident state of mind is so new to me, I had no idea what to expect, and could not wait to find out.  Seriously.
Once the gun went off, I found myself in a not-so-great position in the water, but I just found a rhythm and tried to stick with it, staying as relaxed as possible to conserve energy for the bulk of the race yet to come.  Maybe I conserved a bit too much.  Either way, I felt great coming out of the water and couldn't wait to attack the bike ride.  The pouring rain made for an interesting twist, but I'm from the PNW after-all, this was right in my wheel house!  As usual, the first 45 miles flew by, remaining right on my goal. Suddenly I had a thought that what-if I completely fall apart on the run and all this hard work would be for not..."I believe I can, I believe I can, I believe I can..." Whew, crisis averted.  KEEP PUSHING!
As I headed out on the run, I consciously took it SLOW.  Once I found my legs, I just tried to keep a rhythm.  All was looking up until excruciating pain started radiating from my left knee all the way up to my hip.  Oh man, just keep GOING!  The rest of the run went like this: BREATHE. RELAX. WATTIE - YAY! SMILE.  repeat.
I knew physically, and on paper, I was capable of a great result.  When I crossed the finish line, I had no idea where I stood and was not about to stand around waiting for results.  What I wanted was to be grateful for how far I had come and relax with my Mom for a minute.
About 30 minutes post-race, the results came to me and I was absolutely floored.  My first emotion was relief.  I had actually not let myself down, and had made my support team proud!  WHAT?!?!
Looking back, the experience is still very surreal.

I am grateful for pushing through the hard times and not giving up on myself not only in Vegas, but over the past year.  However, I have to give credit where it's due.  It would not have been possible without the following: my whole family (Mom, Jeff, Dad, Brother,  uncles Steve & Bill Smith, Grandma & Mike Pettus, and my grandma Barkley who used to chase down JackRabbits in the fields of Kansas), Wattie Ink, Power Bar, K-Swiss, BlueSeventy, FuelBelt, ISM, Specialized, Arlberg Sports, SET Coaching (Jason Jablonski), Gold's Gym of Wenatchee Valley, Polar, Adventure Wenatchee, Gale Fruit Company, my loving and uber supportive friends, the inspiring athletes I coach, and my incredibly encouraging and supportive Wenatchee community.
THANK YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!

"Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage" Brene Brown

Having spent hours upon hours this past weekend with my own thoughts, Brene Brown's words were stuck on a loop that I couldn't shake.
"Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage."
And, that of the original definition of courage, which is "to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart".
Got it.
Everything about triathlon makes me come alive and my heart sing.  Pushing my body to places I never imagined possible is a very vulnerable place to go, but it's where I thrive, and it is the story my heart has to tell.  In order to live the life of my dreams, it's required to let go of parameters, judgment and doubt. Not only that, but it's also required to adopt the belief that I'm worth the life I crave.
Easy, I got this.
Willingly or not, vulnerability sometimes sucks.  Leaving ourselves open, virtually unprotected leaves the door wide open for a LOT of REALLY GOOD things, but we can't selectively let only the good in. Life is meant to be lived in full abundance, not only abundantly good.  So, along with the good, comes some bad, hurt and struggle.
My point is not to bring to light that life isn't all wine and roses, but to remind you (and myself), that it's not supposed to be easy, you are always stronger than you think, and to have belief that it will be worth it.  Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.

When life hands you peaches...

First of all, if life hands you peaches, you already know you're one up on the lemons.  Which brings me to the second thing you should be grateful for, Peach jalapeño margaritas!  Seriously.  You can thank me later.  If life hasn't dropped a box of peaches on your door step, find some.

Why peaches, you ask? Well, here's the thing.  Sometimes it can feel like you were given a big box of lemons, which can be a little overwhelming.  What can I possibly do with all this sourness?  Do I have enough sugar?  But, have you ever thought that maybe, just MAYBE, it wasn't lemons to start with? Chances are that you might have been given something more like peaches.  Sometimes even ripe peaches need a little time off the tree until they're perfectly edible.  And the possibilities from there are virtually endless.
Sometimes I find my self reacting before I know what's really in the package.  Instead of being reactionary and trying to fix the problem right away, it just so happens, that sometimes the best thing to do is take your time to figure it out.  Take a step back so you can see more clearly, take a deep breath and trust that you will know exactly what to do and have all the tools to handle whatever it is. Another good thing about peaches is that they freeze well too.  So, you can cut them up into smaller pieces, put them in the freezer and deal with them a little at a time.  You see, it's also important to realize that you don't have to figure it all out at once or come up with the perfect divine solution right away.  Start with trusting yourself, your instincts and your intention and move forward.  Yes, you do have to move, that part is up to you...but the margaritas can be helpful if you're stuck.

When life hands you lemons, you have the ability to turn them into peaches.  Just make sure to keep some tequila, lime and jalapeños around for the occasion, and please invite me over!

PS.  Washington peaches are now in harvest, how convenient!

What IS

I've actually been sitting here working on my long-over-due race report from Pacific Crest. Though there were quite a few highlights from not just the race, but my travels to Bend, it's not what I feel compelled to talk about.
Yesterday, I signed up for a SUP Yoga class, and though I was very excited when I signed up, I realized once the day arrived that I wouldn't be able to squeeze in my bike/run training before...which is what I usually prefer.  I mean, what better way to end a hard day of training than a good yoga session to get things loosened up, add a little muscular endurance and nothing can beat my favorite pose, Shavasana.
As it were, I just couldn't make it work...so I'd start my day with Yoga and end with my bike/run, which would also fall smack dab in middle of the days heat.  Deep breath.
I knew there had to be a reason for all this and I needed to just let go of my perception of the "best way" to get things done and not just try a different way, but believe that it could potentially be better. Breath.
Let me just say, SUP Yoga surpassed my expectations!  Thank you Bridget Shae and Ila Yoga!
It was definitely a challenge, but you really can't beat the serenity of practicing on water.  Magical. Seriously.
Though I was still a little unsure of how the rest of my day would unfold, I revisited my intention for the day, and carried the belief with me that there is a chance this would be better than I imagined.  It was.  At first I felt a little sluggish during my warm-up, but I really tried to just stay in the moment  and accepting of what IS instead of over thinking.  Starting the day with this mindset from yoga, ingrained it into my thick skull and translated seamlessly to training.

This view didn't hurt either.

My expectations so easily put parameters on everything, which in turn, limits the outcome.  
I am tired of living a limited life, aren't you?
Today, I give myself permission to let go of my expectations, to live beyond my parameters and accept that what IS, is so much more than I planned.

Onward.  XO

Sarah

PS.  I'd like to start every day this way, if anyone is interested in teaching a 4am yoga class, I'm in!

THE VIEW

This past week, I was looking forward to utilizing some of my frustration to fuel some really good training.  BUT, it's a recovery week for me...so instead I had to actually deal with my emotions - ugh!
What better way than to get outside and play!  I planned most of my adventures based on taking in my favorite local views - Saddle Rock (twice), Skyline, Wenatchee Heights and Lake Chelan (also twice)...throw in a couple easy rides, TRX and Hot yoga, and I was one happy girl!  Did I mention a ton of organizing....clothes by color?  Or by season?  Or both?  Ha!

Oh, and to finish it off, the view at family dinner!

Taking this time is essential for me to maintain perspective.  I'm so grateful that I have a long ways to go, because I'm really enjoying this journey!

PMA

Sometimes, in life, things go according to plan.  Or, so I've heard!  Is it ever plan A?
This past weekend I (with family in tow), traveled over to Boise, for a little racing!
Physically heading into the weekend, I was feeling pretty amazing.  Mentally, not so much.  Let's just chalk it up to having a rough week, at the wrong time!
It's been since Wildflower that I've done a race, so I was anxious to see what my training had produced and to catch up with some Wattie teammates again!

Even with all the excitement, I felt like I had a black cloud over my head that I just couldn't shake.
Black cloud or not, I was determined to race well, and have fun.  I did my usual race prep routine, and it helped a little, I just had to have faith that it would all come together.
Since my wave didn't take off until 12:39, I had plenty of time to calm my nerves and get amped up!  As soon as the gun went off I was feeling AMPED and ready!  All was going well, until I hit the first turn buoy, when the reservoir suddenly felt like a washing machine.  The buoys seemed to be moving, or was it just me?  It was hard to say, since every time I tried to sight I was smacked in the face with water - ugh!  No biggie, I told myself, just relax and KEEP SWIMMING.  I couldn't wait to get out of the water and on to my bike...unfortunately, that was nearly 40 freaking minutes later!
DON'T panic!
It felt amazing to get on my bike!  This race, my plan was to push the bike, and it felt great!  Yeah, it was hard, but I felt strong and just tried to keep a good rhythm.  As I came into T-2, I had made up for my poor swim and then some.  But I also knew something wasn't quite right.

My stomach was starting to get a little unhappy the last few miles of the bike,  and I was hoping if I stayed relaxed and ignore it, it would just go away...but, it got worse :(  Every time I tried to pick up my pace on the run, well, it wasn't pretty.  Between potties, I just tried to keep moving forward, I kept telling myself that anything could happen...I knew I was losing time, hopefully it wasn't too much time.  As I was being passed heading out to the 2nd lap, I knew I should have been able to stick with her, but my stomach was not having it...ugh!  I just tried to stay relaxed and as things kept coming out of me, I tried to find something that would stay down and keep my energy up.  For the most part, I stuck with the usual stuff, but by mile 8 I opted for Coke and it tasted SOOO good!  Seemed to be just what I needed, the last few miles I felt like I could actually run, finally!  Sadly, it was too little too late, but enough to hang on for 3rd OA and 2nd AG AND a spot to Vegas!
Though I am disappointed I have to be honest, I was able to accomplish my 2 goals for the race.  #1 race the bike & #2 qualify for Vegas.  Mission accomplished :)
Now time to recoup and get ready for my next big training block - yeeeehaw!  
Thanks for your support!

XO
Sarah

This is NOT one of those days

WOW - I seriously can't believe it's been so long since I've written...or since Wildflower!
Not much has been happening in my life, other than life.

But, something BIG is about to happen, in one short week, BOISE 70.3!  Which means, my anxiety is on the rise, making every little thing frustrating and/or annoying.  Ok, not EVERYthing, but close.  Yesterday I was doing my last "tempo" ride before Boise and I noticed my saddle was a bit lower than it should have been.  I figured it had just slipped because the seat post clamp was loose, I was right!  However, when I pulled it out, it came apart (it's 3 pieces), and even though I had done this a million times, I couldn't remember how it went back together!  So, I called for back-up (coach), and as soon as I had him on the phone, I figured it out (of course).  Then, as I was putting it all together, I dropped one of the pieces into my frame and couldn't get it out!!  UGH!  Once I got it out, I dropped it again!  Nice one, Sar-Bear!  Once I finally pulled my sh!t together, 15 wonderful minutes had passed.
Deep Breath.
It wasn't long before I settled back into my groove and into my workout.  All was going well, until I had to pee.  The first spot I found, I was just about to go, when I saw a snake tail about 2 feet from me, and back on my bike I went.  Since there was virtually NO traffic, I decided to just risk it and go on the side of the road.  No biggie, until I looked down.  Yup, I was so worried about traffic that I didn't notice the "water shed", had puddled right under one of my feet.  Awesome.
Despite a few minor set-backs, by the end of my ride I was back to HAPPY and loving that even the least scenic ride around here is still gorgeously located right along the Columbia River.

Enough about that, what's been on my mind since a friend perked my up on my Terrible Tuesday, is what she said to me.  "Someday you won't be able to do this, today is not that day".
When I bumped into her, I was headed for my trainer and a ride that in the description stated "this will be pretty hard" and I was not motivated AT ALL.  Not only that, but I was frustrated that I wasn't motivated, thinking to myself, maybe I don't have what it takes!  With that one little sentence, my whole perspective immediately shifted.  After all, it was JUST a workout, and it was only going to take about 1:10, and if that's my biggest problem today...when did I start being so ungrateful and full of self doubt!?!?

It's so easy to lose perspective.  Just because your motivation is waining or you don't feel 100%, isn't detrimental, it's actually part of the process.  If we didn't face these challenging times during training, how would we overcome them in a race?
An article I read refers to this as "THE GRIND", which starts when training gets tiring, painful and tedious..and the point which might be most important in training.  Concluding with "The Grind may not be very enjoyable, but do you know what is less enjoyable? Not achieving your goals because you weren't willing to do the hard work."
http://www.pezcyclingnews.com/page/toolbox/?id=89592#.UauPGWRATf
So, you don't have to enjoy it, but I encourage us all to embrace it!
It won't be easy, so make sure you're prepared for battle when the time comes!
Here's some tactics I use to get up and go:
Inspirational blogs/posts from my AMAZING WATTIE INK teamies - they are relentlessly positive and motivating!  Find someone or something that inspires you and don't be afraid to read it every day.
Inspirational videos - watching some of my triathlon or track heros throw down in big races, like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLKqnvDl_rE
Inspirational songs - usually something like: Don't Give Up, Noisettes; Even if it Breaks Your Heart, Eli Young Band; I Made It, Kevin Rudolf; Kill Your Heros, Awolnation.
Bribery - haha, YES, I'm not above bribing myself.  But make sure it's specific, and something you can control "Don't give up on yourself, even if your pace is falling off, give all you have on each specific effort." The reward be anything you want.  Since I don't have a lot of $$, my favorite is a new song download :), but I've also used a recovery treat, pedicure, massage...or whatever I've been putting off because I felt I "didn't deserve it"

Know that you're not alone this battle, we ALL have our own "GRIND" to get through.  Know that you are deserving of what's on the other side and never, never, never, never give up.

Onward,

Sarah
XO