Someone asked my why, after years of racing, I still get nervous.
First, let's take a look at the definition of nervous.
NERVOUS: highly excitable; unnaturally or acutely uneasy or apprehensive: to become nervous under stress. Of or pertaining to the nerves; nervous tension. Characterized by or attended with acute uneasiness or apprehension: a nervous moment for us all. Vigorous or spirited.
Keeping all those things in mind, I came up with a long list lot of stressors that run thru my mind contributing to my nerves before races...or should we say "vigorous spirit" - ha!
After weighing all the facotors involed, the thing that makes me feel nervous is racing with my heart. Above all else, I put myself on the line. In life, I hold myself back a lot, afraid of what everyone will think of me When I race, there are no curtains to hide behind. Just me out there truely testing myself, fully emotionally exposed. It's a little scary, but as I let myself be free to chase my dreams, I know that I need to rely on my heart to carry me. The more I expose my heart thru racing, the more I embrace my true self - it's like therapy...only much more expensive!!
I know my heart is strong, but it's the kind of strength that can only be tested by faith, not tangible or quantifiable measurements. How I feel about my race afterwards, honestly has very little to do with the result, but more about how I carried my self during the race. Did I believe in myself? Did I believe in my training? Did I believe in all the people that believe in me? Did I allow myself to feed off the energy of the event and everyone around me? In otherwords, was I couragous enough to race with my heart wide open? Or was I too afraid of getting hurt?
As I venture off to my 3rd weekend in a row of racing, I carry my heart with me. So yes, I might be nervous, and a little tight and tired, but that's all okay - my heart will show me the way!!!